Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
bring money and cleavage
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
