Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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