Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
