Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize