sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
