yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
