i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize