just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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