why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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