when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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