I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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