Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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