oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
