I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize