that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
