that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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