you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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