you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
