were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
