you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
