Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
