If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
