Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
