It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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