I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
