I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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