So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
