My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
