have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
