I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize