Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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