so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
A+ Viking dick
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
And then he peed in my hair
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