we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize