My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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