Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The air was thick with penises
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
