Non-Jews are for practice
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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