my vag is so smooth its legendary
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
