I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
