Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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