It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
