yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I party with great urgency now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
