My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
