Welp...herpes.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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