oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
