whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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