2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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