I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
