About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Randomize
