Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
