I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
