You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
