normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
