I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
