Umm I'm too high to move.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
