im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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