Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How naked do you want me to be?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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