this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Shame is for Republicans.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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