I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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