Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
