Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
