There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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