So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
