Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
