This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
