I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize