just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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