dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
