you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
