I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
