Me. At least after what I've been through.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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