and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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