Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
