i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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